X-Men: First **CRAP**

So by now you’ve probably all seen X-Men: First Class  (and loved it) or decided that it’s not really worth seeing. I’m counting on this being “a given” so I can rant about this movie without any guilt about spoiling for anybody, but in case there are some of you who are waiting for it to come out on DVD…….!

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-- HERE BE SPOILERS---

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I just don’t get how this movie gets an 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. If the major demographic of this movie franchise is “comic book nerds” like me, then how the hell did everyone else love it?
First of all, there are many, MANY, *MANY* discrepancies between the comics and this movie….as well as between the past 4 other movies! They include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Moira McTaggart is an American CIA agent? (She’s supposed to be Irish, and was played by Olivia Williams in X3, and at least she sounds like she’s from the same continent!)
• Alex Summers – aka “Havoc” - is (approximately) the same age as Professor X? (Alex is supposed to be Cyclop’s *younger* brother. If this movie takes place before the X-men were formed / born, why is Havoc here???)
• Mystique & Professor X grew up together as ‘brother & sister’? - (They’re mortal enemies in the comics, and are pretty much complete strangers in the first 3 X-men movies. What, they just forgot about each other after being “brother/sister” for all those years?)

Secondly – the movie made some poor choices regarding what mutants / characters to portray in this movie. The biggest offender would be Angel Salvadore - the stripper with fairy wings who can spit fire. Were there not any other choices available? Since we’re throwing continuity out the window, did no one think of cannonball? Polaris? Sunfire? Marrow? (Not Pixie, though – she’s practically the same character)

Also, did it not occur to anyone else that the devil guy (Azazel) is just a red (& evil) carbon-copy of Nightcrawler?

And I just do not agree that Kevin Bacon was the best choice to play Sebastian Shaw….or that Sebastian was the original creator /owner of Magneto’s helmet. It didn’t look that great on Ian Mckellen and it looks plain idiotic on Kevin Bacon.

 

vs.

who wore it better?

 And finally – the whole Mystique & Professor X vs Magneto fiasco; that whole plot arc / storyline just seemed to fizzle out halfway through the movie, only to suddenly snap into place so Mystique lines up with Magneto for the first X-men movie. Did anyone else notice that she comes to this decision for almost no reason while her supposed brother lies dying right next to her???? 



“Hey Mystique, I know you secretly want to join Magneto’s team, but you’re just too scared to tell me, but you can go with him. Don’t worry, I’m okay with it. I’ll just lie here now that I'm paralyzed. I’ll be fine. It’s not like we formed this really strong bond growing up together or anything.”

 ........I know, I know; I sound like a huge nerd, don't I? 

 

BUT I DON'T CARE.  THERE ARE DISCREPANCIES TO MY BELOVED GRAPHIC NOVEL SERIES & I WANT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. 

Movie Review - Machete

About a week ago, I saw Machete in theatres. And I have to say that this movie deserved every bit of hype it got:

The Plot: Betrayed and left for dead in a burning building, Ex-Mexico federale, Machete, is now nothing more than an illegal day laborer on the streets of Texas. Until one day, a mysterious stranger offers him a million dollars to take out the Mayor of Texas himself (played by Robert DeNiro) who promises to crack down on illegal immigration and tighten up border security.

Machete takes the job, but is betrayed (again!) by the very man who hired him. Now on the run from the Law, Machete vows revenge against the man who hired him and, in the process, uncovers a nationwide conspiracy to control the Border patrol between Texas and Mexico.

My Review: After watching the Trailer, I pretty much assumed that this would be “Black Dynamite” but with Hispanics. And considering that I loved Black Dynamite, I figured I would love this one just as much.

AND I WAS RIGHT!

 

Within the first five minutes of the movie, I saw about twelve people die and a completely naked woman waiting for Machete to rescue her. And considering the movie is about two hours long, rest assured that the rest of it was filled with similar mayhem and sex.

My favorite part had to be where Machete ripped someone’s stomach open and used their small intestines to repel off a wall. 

But the movie isn’t JUST hilarious, over-the-top blood and gore; it’s also (slightly) political in it’s timely message of the country’s problem with illegal immigration / the plight of Mexican immigrants trying to make it in the U.S. That message is a constant theme throughout the movie. (slight though it may be) In fact, I figured that was the only way they could get Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez to do the movie. (and get her to wear that eye-patch)

Now, as great as I found this movie to be, it *did* start to spin out of control into non-sensical shock humor that I didn’t care for. This movie featured a bunch of “all-star” actors that people love to roll their eyes at. And while Don Johnson and Steven Segal weren’t too bad in their respective roles of “corrupt town sherriff” and “Mexican drug lord,” I had no idea why the hell Lindsay Lohan was in this movie - she plays the drugged-out daughter of the man who hires Machete, but somehow ends up as a gun-toting nun by the end of the movie. (no real explanation).

I got the feeling that, since the movie started as a spoof trailer for “Grindhouse,” they had to include her…..but couldn’t figure out how to fit her in the movie.

In any case – Machete is worth seeing. I suggest you do so while you still can. A great movie like this is only going to be around for so long.